Wednesday, February 16, 2011


I wondered what next for me????? Its like the world suddenly froze  for a minute or so before i could get out of my stupor.  I woke up this morning feeling a little bit ish-ish. I could not explain what it was, i was, feeling any way but whatever it was made me determined to pull through it. Can you believe that i cleaned the entire house??? I could not believe it either, not that i do not do any chores, but I hate doing this particular one. It makes me sick!!! "Maybe i am dying today"! just a thought.

As usual I was punctual.I am not bragging but I am one of the most punctual beings. lets just say that i know the essence of keeping up with time. Do i really??? Well...... those are just details. I sat in the reception and some kind of familiarity came flooding back to me, "the I have been there before kind of feeling". I stared at the floor blankly. What would this day be like ?? a breaking point or a starting point, i could not help bit wonder....... Damn!!!! I hate suspense. Why couldn't God just whisper the future to me? Hold on a minute is there anything like FUTURE??? I have never seen the future in the many years that i have had the privilege to live. Anyway that is not the point, the point is subject of today.

"Number five", I heard a voice. I pulled out of my reverie..... "that was number". I stood up and walked to this room with only two guys,i was the third and damn it felt full. My stomach danced and did a grumble. I instantly became hungry. I had just had a  full cup of coffee,no sorry it was two  cups of them,black and strong, that is how i take it, my coffee of course. I sat down. i forced a smile on my rather serious face,on a different platform you wouldn't dare smile at me. "How are you today Mildred?" Both the judges greeted me with a cheery attitude that made me freak. I had to force the same "cheery"attitude. You see I am not exactly used to smiling or even being all friendly but i just had to pretend because i knew they were faking it too. I mean they were doing there job and were here to judge me,so.........

"Am fine." still smiling,i felt like my face was getting old due to the smiling. I stared away. The glaring,tantalizing pairs of eyes tried to read me.I don't know what was the first impression that i had made and probably would never know but i blushed and looked away. You see the point is that am kind of shy...... Yes i am.... Why are you looking at me with those kind of eyes? Is it a crime to be shy? I think every one is at some point considering when you have like people who are there to rate you or try and analyze who you are.

"I have been a filmmaker in my own world" That was my opening statement.powerful statement indeed but i grew numb when i was asked to elaborate my point...... my head went blank. You see the problem with being a writer is that you can explain yourself well in written words only and thus my failure of words to say. I am not trying to justify me but admitting that I have a weakness. Audible words. So as am sitted here typing my words away,my future lies at stake somewhere. In the hand of two perfect strangers is where a future,as is said, lies in balance........ Auuuuuugh!!! Cant this day be done with already............