The real me

During the day with my friends

I act like nothing is wrong

like i am the happiest girl in the world

nothing can break me

always positive

listening to my friends problems

comfort them if I need to

then at night all alone

thats when the true me comes out

thats when I cry

thats when I need a friend

but I can't really blame them

since they just dont know that side of me

Alluta Continua!!!

So far away from that place and those people

yet somehow they still are in my life

i went away so that i wouldnt have to deal with it

but i guess running away doesnt help

so when i come back

I am going to be strong

I will face my demons

and I wont back down

IN PURSUIT OF MY DREAM!

I woke up today feeling kinda ......... I can not explain that feeling except that the cup of coffee really helped me a lot. Could i be addicted to this stuff? Every time i feel that I am under pressure it has this way of calming me down. Today I am not under pressure,a little anxious, yes. Tomorrow i get the chance to follow and be what i had envisioned to become ages back then. I want to write but i wanted filmmaking quite as bad. I already am a writer its just that i never published but now this will be a milestone.Why did God have to make me wait for this long for this Chance to come??? Wait it just never came,I had like to fight for it and i never gave up even when the tides were strong. I always said to my self if i had waited for 6 years for an opportunity like this,what was another 6 months and so i vowed to wait and finally that day is here with me.

The story of my life is a funny one.Someone might think that I am crazy but the reality is that when you want something so bad you got to get it. Every day i woke up for those six years i would look at the mirror and say that i was going to make it one day. I never wanted to do anything else because it would ruin the chances of pursuing what i wanted. You see there is a difference between doing what you have to do and doing what you love. I love what i do. I dont think i have any regrets for my past. I has shaped me,and everyday i know what to expect from life.I believe that my past failures and and frustraions were laying the foundation of life.

For six years people believed that i was lazy and never wanted to work. Yes i went to school and finished college,but i just never wanted to work in some boring office as a MANAGER. I never needed that. I know right now you are wondering is she nut?? Yes i am nuts. The management course i did it for my father.I AM NOT and i repeat I am not a suit person. How would i even look like wearing one??? I try to imagine. If there is anything i am attached to is my skinny jeans. I love them so much that i cant live without wearing them. My daughter Raychelle one morining told me that i was the best mom in the world and i was shocked where this was coming from. "why?" i asked her and she said "because you are hip" I took this to mean that my hips have enlaged again and that was a couse of worry to me and i asked her " Have i grown fat sweety?" And she laughed her head off! "No mom,It just means you are stylish and i love it. You are so 80's" This remark made me feel really old. and the next thing i was tempted to ask her was "is my face wrinkled Sweety?" You see this little girl i love very much, and i realized that she is not little anymore because she is the one who reminds me to do what i have forgotten in the to do list.I dont have one but she has one! She has the ability of telling it like it is,and so i expected her to tell me something like "just a bit" I think the concern on my voice made her lie "dont worry mom,you would pass for my sister." Oh you lying child! always looking for ways to make me feel better after rubbing it on my face. Auggggh! You should be glad i can tolerate you.
Raychelle just popped in but i was trying to justify why i could not wear suits to work. They make me feel like some country woman straight from the village. I am never comfortable putting on one, and this reminds me of an  incident i always laugh while i try not to think of it.My dad "had" to like get me a job at some lawyer friend if his. I hate the dress code of lawyers. I was supposed to be his assistant and so he called me to an interview together with two other females. I wore a black pin stripped suit,dont worry it was knee length and a light grey top. It felt like i was going to a funeral and i had like to look at every window in town to confirm this. In the office i found two ladies,my age i think seated in the reception,I thought about saying hi and decided not to because of the kind of look they gave me.I have never understood whether it was envy or pity,i never have quite understood that.

This world is full of hypocrites.This particular man makes this women come for interviews while he knew very well he had given the job to me courtesy of my dad,his friend! I have not gotten up to this day what he wanted with the women and to think that i let him down after one month,life is a bitch! I tendered my resignation letter. Dont give me that look. I ran out of clothes to wear! LoL! Yes i did. I had to like wear the very one suit each day.I dont own any skirts except for two and that was getting kind of tricky.God how i loved and waited for friday. I have worked in several places just to earn money after being so broke but never did i find solace in what i did.Every job i did,i quit in less or just two months.I got tired period. I guess i was lacking something and trying to find some missing puzzle in my life. I was looking for just that IT thing,I had no clue where i would find it.

I love technology.Technology made me find the "IT" i was searching for. Someone i met through technology changed my life. Gave me that chance i terribly need,a total stranger who believed in me only through mail.His name is Nathan Collett.  They say that you just never know who you meet next in your life and he might be the one changing your life for the better.It might be just that person you meet in the coffee line,why do i always think coffee,coffee,coffee,I should see a therapist,or the next person sitted next to you on the plane or it might be this person you meet online. Yes they are real and humans. Through Nathan,i have been able to achieve some wonderful achievement,like Kibera TV,Kibera Film School Which I join beginning monday,and i have met this wonderful women who i admire so much.I admire their work and most of all their strength! This is Pamela Collett and Mercy Murugi.I want to say that you guys are the best people i ever met in my life and thank you for believing  and investing in me a perfect stranger.

I start the journey to the promised land tomorrow because of all of you and just want you all to know how grateful i am. I could not afford to pay you back anything but to write this priceless note i would,just to say thank you for being part of my shaping my dream, i hope not to wake up soon unless its finished,to walk that journey and to grab it all.You see if you want your life to be passionate you have to live with attitude and expectancy,and when the floodgates open,everything will fall in place.ALLUTA CONTINUA!!

Hip Hop

There are points at which my mind wanders everywhere and this is just one of those days. It keeps popping out unexpected questions to me like what would i do if i was king for one day? Hmmmmm! That is subject to debate of another time because the list is endless, Eish! I aint no greedy! Another creepy question it lead me to was what if i was a millionaire over night? I mean it all depends from which country i was to be a millionaire....yes that is crucial. The point is simply,I love it when my mind escapes to that point where it is just me, fantasy land. It is like the most peaceful and satisfactory place to be. No one else is allowed to live in my fantasy land other than me. Welcome to my mind!


I will tell you the cause of me snapping back to my world at this point and hour of the day.I am sitting on the couch idly crunching away some pop corns i had made for guests who never made it, the problem with such guests is that they waste your time and productivity. They do not call to cancel their dates but they never make it all together. Now that am thinking about it, none of them made it and am beginning to think "conspiracy".They conspired against me and they had it all figured out........... Brats! Am glad they never made it anyway. I am sitting there doing nothing and then my mind wanders, no visualizes,let me get the better term. You see wandering means aimlessly,but my mine wanders aim fully. Is there even such a word? Can you actually believe that I am dating Brad Pitt? What do you mean the movie star??? Of course the movie star. There is only one Brad Pitt in the world,and if there is any other they are copy cats. So am dating Mr.Pitt on this very moment,do not die of jealous, he just happened to dump Angelinna Jollie right in front of my very face and took off with me! Yeah right! You see,this is the power of fantasy,the power of mind wandering and it gets better when you get to like share it with the rest of mankind.I am not expelling the fact that 10% of them will dismiss and even laugh,this is when you wonder what is so amusing?The reality is that all these are events and events take place! It does not matter where they take place from so Shut Up and stop laughing!


My point is,the power of imagination can make it reality. If you visualize something for so long,it actually becomes a reality.I am not saying that i would get to date Brad Pitt, Ah Yew! He is just not my type. What?? You want to know what my type is? The type of man i would date has not yet been born and Brad Pitt is out of my league, Way out of it! Don't get me twisted! I have been writing since i was 13 years old. Can you actually believe that i don't even have any kind of material published???? I wonder where iI have been.I have dreams and imaginations pf being a best seller one of the damn fine days. I will get there.I can not explain what is stopping me but the time is just not right. Just the other day i had the pleasure of meeting Ishmael Berger, former Sierra Leone war child and best selling author and i was dying of envy. No no, envy from admiration. Don't get me wrong, i just want to write and let the world appreciate my art work. Its not about the fame and the money, even though they will always be part of it,but the inspiration behind it and watching the world embrace my creativity,my art with grammar and words, with of course my power of mind at the steering wheel. This will be like the corner stone and height of it all. Just where i would want to be. You see in life it is not always about luck but about finding one self. I always tell my little girl that there is no beter feeling in the world other than achieving one's child hood dreams. Its more like marrying the boy or girl you had a crush on when you were like 13 years old. It feels like winning an award or trophy. Talking of crushes, I once had the opportunity of dating this guy i had a crush on while i was 13 at 23. can you believe this nigga had a crush on me too??? For that long he had wanted me and he just never knew what to say??? Amazing Life! Why didn't he just walk over and say to me "hey i like you?" I personally still don't understand it but those are just details. Me and Hip Hop,never quite stayed in the relationship. I discovered that he had a bad breath and ............... any way that was not the main cause of the break up.I discovered that i just could not stand this guy i had fantasies of for like forever....Does forever ever exist??????? You tell me!!

Myldongo Press: TODAY!!!!

Myldongo Press: TODAY!!!!: "I wondered what next for me????? Its like the world suddenly froze for a minute or so before i could get out of my stupor. I wok..."

TODAY!!!!

I wondered what next for me????? Its like the world suddenly froze  for a minute or so before i could get out of my stupor.  I woke up this morning feeling a little bit ish-ish. I could not explain what it was, i was, feeling any way but whatever it was made me determined to pull through it. Can you believe that i cleaned the entire house??? I could not believe it either, not that i do not do any chores, but I hate doing this particular one. It makes me sick!!! "Maybe i am dying today"! just a thought.

As usual I was punctual.I am not bragging but I am one of the most punctual beings. lets just say that i know the essence of keeping up with time. Do i really??? Well...... those are just details. I sat in the reception and some kind of familiarity came flooding back to me, "the I have been there before kind of feeling". I stared at the floor blankly. What would this day be like ?? a breaking point or a starting point, i could not help bit wonder....... Damn!!!! I hate suspense. Why couldn't God just whisper the future to me? Hold on a minute is there anything like FUTURE??? I have never seen the future in the many years that i have had the privilege to live. Anyway that is not the point, the point is subject of today.

"Number five", I heard a voice. I pulled out of my reverie..... "that was number". I stood up and walked to this room with only two guys,i was the third and damn it felt full. My stomach danced and did a grumble. I instantly became hungry. I had just had a  full cup of coffee,no sorry it was two  cups of them,black and strong, that is how i take it, my coffee of course. I sat down. i forced a smile on my rather serious face,on a different platform you wouldn't dare smile at me. "How are you today Mildred?" Both the judges greeted me with a cheery attitude that made me freak. I had to force the same "cheery"attitude. You see I am not exactly used to smiling or even being all friendly but i just had to pretend because i knew they were faking it too. I mean they were doing there job and were here to judge me,so.........

"Am fine." still smiling,i felt like my face was getting old due to the smiling. I stared away. The glaring,tantalizing pairs of eyes tried to read me.I don't know what was the first impression that i had made and probably would never know but i blushed and looked away. You see the point is that am kind of shy...... Yes i am.... Why are you looking at me with those kind of eyes? Is it a crime to be shy? I think every one is at some point considering when you have like people who are there to rate you or try and analyze who you are.

"I have been a filmmaker in my own world" That was my opening statement.powerful statement indeed but i grew numb when i was asked to elaborate my point...... my head went blank. You see the problem with being a writer is that you can explain yourself well in written words only and thus my failure of words to say. I am not trying to justify me but admitting that I have a weakness. Audible words. So as am sitted here typing my words away,my future lies at stake somewhere. In the hand of two perfect strangers is where a future,as is said, lies in balance........ Auuuuuugh!!! Cant this day be done with already............