Saturday, February 19, 2011


I woke up today feeling kinda ......... I can not explain that feeling except that the cup of coffee really helped me a lot. Could i be addicted to this stuff? Every time i feel that I am under pressure it has this way of calming me down. Today I am not under pressure,a little anxious, yes. Tomorrow i get the chance to follow and be what i had envisioned to become ages back then. I want to write but i wanted filmmaking quite as bad. I already am a writer its just that i never published but now this will be a milestone.Why did God have to make me wait for this long for this Chance to come??? Wait it just never came,I had like to fight for it and i never gave up even when the tides were strong. I always said to my self if i had waited for 6 years for an opportunity like this,what was another 6 months and so i vowed to wait and finally that day is here with me.

The story of my life is a funny one.Someone might think that I am crazy but the reality is that when you want something so bad you got to get it. Every day i woke up for those six years i would look at the mirror and say that i was going to make it one day. I never wanted to do anything else because it would ruin the chances of pursuing what i wanted. You see there is a difference between doing what you have to do and doing what you love. I love what i do. I dont think i have any regrets for my past. I has shaped me,and everyday i know what to expect from life.I believe that my past failures and and frustraions were laying the foundation of life.

For six years people believed that i was lazy and never wanted to work. Yes i went to school and finished college,but i just never wanted to work in some boring office as a MANAGER. I never needed that. I know right now you are wondering is she nut?? Yes i am nuts. The management course i did it for my father.I AM NOT and i repeat I am not a suit person. How would i even look like wearing one??? I try to imagine. If there is anything i am attached to is my skinny jeans. I love them so much that i cant live without wearing them. My daughter Raychelle one morining told me that i was the best mom in the world and i was shocked where this was coming from. "why?" i asked her and she said "because you are hip" I took this to mean that my hips have enlaged again and that was a couse of worry to me and i asked her " Have i grown fat sweety?" And she laughed her head off! "No mom,It just means you are stylish and i love it. You are so 80's" This remark made me feel really old. and the next thing i was tempted to ask her was "is my face wrinkled Sweety?" You see this little girl i love very much, and i realized that she is not little anymore because she is the one who reminds me to do what i have forgotten in the to do list.I dont have one but she has one! She has the ability of telling it like it is,and so i expected her to tell me something like "just a bit" I think the concern on my voice made her lie "dont worry mom,you would pass for my sister." Oh you lying child! always looking for ways to make me feel better after rubbing it on my face. Auggggh! You should be glad i can tolerate you.
Raychelle just popped in but i was trying to justify why i could not wear suits to work. They make me feel like some country woman straight from the village. I am never comfortable putting on one, and this reminds me of an  incident i always laugh while i try not to think of it.My dad "had" to like get me a job at some lawyer friend if his. I hate the dress code of lawyers. I was supposed to be his assistant and so he called me to an interview together with two other females. I wore a black pin stripped suit,dont worry it was knee length and a light grey top. It felt like i was going to a funeral and i had like to look at every window in town to confirm this. In the office i found two ladies,my age i think seated in the reception,I thought about saying hi and decided not to because of the kind of look they gave me.I have never understood whether it was envy or pity,i never have quite understood that.

This world is full of hypocrites.This particular man makes this women come for interviews while he knew very well he had given the job to me courtesy of my dad,his friend! I have not gotten up to this day what he wanted with the women and to think that i let him down after one month,life is a bitch! I tendered my resignation letter. Dont give me that look. I ran out of clothes to wear! LoL! Yes i did. I had to like wear the very one suit each day.I dont own any skirts except for two and that was getting kind of tricky.God how i loved and waited for friday. I have worked in several places just to earn money after being so broke but never did i find solace in what i did.Every job i did,i quit in less or just two months.I got tired period. I guess i was lacking something and trying to find some missing puzzle in my life. I was looking for just that IT thing,I had no clue where i would find it.

I love technology.Technology made me find the "IT" i was searching for. Someone i met through technology changed my life. Gave me that chance i terribly need,a total stranger who believed in me only through mail.His name is Nathan Collett.  They say that you just never know who you meet next in your life and he might be the one changing your life for the better.It might be just that person you meet in the coffee line,why do i always think coffee,coffee,coffee,I should see a therapist,or the next person sitted next to you on the plane or it might be this person you meet online. Yes they are real and humans. Through Nathan,i have been able to achieve some wonderful achievement,like Kibera TV,Kibera Film School Which I join beginning monday,and i have met this wonderful women who i admire so much.I admire their work and most of all their strength! This is Pamela Collett and Mercy Murugi.I want to say that you guys are the best people i ever met in my life and thank you for believing  and investing in me a perfect stranger.

I start the journey to the promised land tomorrow because of all of you and just want you all to know how grateful i am. I could not afford to pay you back anything but to write this priceless note i would,just to say thank you for being part of my shaping my dream, i hope not to wake up soon unless its finished,to walk that journey and to grab it all.You see if you want your life to be passionate you have to live with attitude and expectancy,and when the floodgates open,everything will fall in place.ALLUTA CONTINUA!!

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